Based on my previous post about development of the mind, I see two ways of teaching children (and even adults) about how they should act toward others and the world:
- Rule-based morality. Children need to learn to follow rules set down by parents, society and/or God. These rules are based on an ultimate authority, whether God, universal principles, social contract, or other source. Children do not need to question the origin of, or justification for, these rules, merely to follow them. Use discipline and punishment, even corporal punishment if necessary, to instill in the child the obligation to follow the rules. Once children have internalized the rules, they will follow them as adults.
- or - - Empathy-based morality. Once children are old enough (about 4 years) to understand the other’s perspective, they should be encouraged to take the other’s viewpoint and behave with consideration for the other person. Moral behavior is behavior that takes account of the perspective of other beings and how our actions will impact others.
Obviously I advocate the second approach. I believe that goodness and morality are entirely defined by our relationships to others. Since humans are capable of seeing the other’s viewpoint, that is how we need to frame our behavior. Rules are merely a formalization of how our behavior impacts others. We need rules as a guide to behavior, but we must always understand that rules are grounded in relationships. Rules can never be absolute, and any judgment about when to apply them should be in terms of their effects on others and ourselves. Of course it is rarely easy to make those judgments, and hence a good idea to follow the laws and rules of society. But we must always keep in mind the context of how any rule was created.
